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Johnny B. Truant

Johnny B. Truant is a writer who has made several of his stories available as free digital audiobooks.

Life is good at Bingham's Bagel Deli. The loathed customers are dealt the poor treatment they seem to deserve, bad rap music is played loudly, and The Rat is killed often enough to stem his immortality. And the insane homeless regulars – like drunken Little Johnny Redbeard – keep life interesting.

But when a rival tricks the crew into thinking that the deli's closure is imminent, they do the only logical thing: instead of giving up, they decide to go out in a blaze of glory, handing their customers the humiliation and abuse that the pesky social contract had previously forbidden. But as insults turn to assaults and snide remarks turn to harassment and pro wrestling moves, a strange thing happens. Business goes up – way up – as people come back in droves, begging for more.

But the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long, and as pop-culture welcomes the parody musical group “The Bialy Pimps” and its frivolous merchandising machine – and as the crew pushes to see how much bad behavior society will accept – the violent road to fame begins to feel like a runaway train, out of control and headed for destruction…

When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn't make fun of him, it's just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a two thousand-year-old vampire.

And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to “heal” to his corpulent self for all of eternity.

As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire – too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead – he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race.

Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

Cast out from the magical kingdom of The Realm and into the dying desert of the Sands beyond, Marshal Clint Gulliver and his unicorn Edward have finally found peace in the small and dusty town of Solace. For the first time since leaving The Realm, Clint has dared to be happy, getting hitched to his bride to be, Mai. But when the town faces a deadly approaching enemy, the gunslinger feels compelled unholster his seven-shooters to face it… and the dark magic it brings with it.

  • Last modified: 2014/03/11 12:32